Taken from an article “Learning to say ‘No’”by Robin Sharma (author of The Greatness Guide) published on dnaindia.com
Sunday, December 30, 2007 03:31 IST
“Every time you say yes to something that is unimportant, you are saying no to something that is important. ‘Yes men’ and ‘yes women’ never create anything great. There’s huge value in saying no.Say no to the friend who wants to meet over coffee to catch up on the latest gossip. Say no to the co-worker who wants to spread his negativity and cynicism. Say no to the relative who laughs at your dreams and makes you doubt yourself. Say no to the social obligations that drain time from your life’s work.You can’t be everything to all people. The best among us get that. Know your priorities. Know your goals. Know what needs to get done over the coming weeks, months and years for you to feel that you played your game as best as you could as a human being. And then say no to everything else. Sure some people around you might not be happy. But would you rather live your life according to the approval of others or aligned with your truth and your dreams?”
Words of wisdom; good to read, hard to practice! Most new-age gurus have the knack of putting the most complex of life’s issues with such simplicity that the problem seems mediocre and the solution seems just around the corner.
But life’s problems are “larger than life” and the solutions “not as simple as they seem!” I wish I could learn to say “No”; I want to say “No”, but can I really gather the courage to say No to my boss, my husband, my parents, my in-laws, my neighbor, my colleagues and even my friends. I may gather the courage to say No for trivial issues; but what about about the bigger and more significant issues - I may gather the courage to say No, but from where do I get the almighty power to endure the repurcussions - sullen faces, sour relationships, confusions, confrontations, ill-will, and even social isolation!!
Maybe the solution to the entire gamut of the problem of how to say No is that each one of us first learns the lesson about “Expectations”. You will have to say “No” when the “Expectation from You” graph escalates beyond a certain point of practical fulfillment or sustenance. But for that you have to define your own expectations from life. I believe that the core message in Robin Sharma’s article is not “Learning to say ‘No’” but the gist of the message is in the following paragraph: “Know your priorities. Know your goals. Know what needs to get done over the coming weeks, months and years for you to feel that you played your game as best as you could as a human being….”
Before you learn to say ‘No”, learn to “know”, what you want, how much can you give to people, how much you actually want to give, and how much you want from people, and society. When you tune down people’s expectations from you, always remember that you also have to tune down your own expectations from people. So keep your priorties high, and your expectations low, and somewhere in between ensure that the people in your life know your priorities, so that they do not cross “Expectation from You” graph beyond a certain point. Keep the lines of communication open and clear, let the power of “Know” save you from the trouble of saying “No!”
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