Feline Musings

We talk about female liberation, equality and education. There are organizations, people (both men and women) fighting and striving to give women respect with security and independent sustenance. In a previous post, Haunted by a Woman, I highlighted with a real-life example, the need for women to be able to stand up for themselves when the going gets tough. However, some close observations have made me think that maybe I presented just one side of the picture.

We blame conventional societies and cultural norms, and even callous men for the problems that befall women, especially dependant women. But have we ever thought that the woman herself maybe responsible for her position of dependency … and may in fact endorse and feel proud of her dependant position and even exploit it to the best of her advantage. 

I have come across women who have no qualms in remaining uneducated and dependant. Why? You may ask. It is because they believe that as a woman it is their birth right to be looked after by the men in their lives – father, brother(s), husband, and son(s). They do not want to evolve financially, personally and socially, because it’s not their part of the obligation to life and their existence. It’s the obligation of the men in their lives to look after them, care for them, and give them a full and complete life. 

The father collects dowry, finds a groom and suitably marries off the daughter. If the father can’t fulfill this responsibility then the brother(s) does. The daughter’s paternal family continues to meet all social and cultural obligations that are required of them to keep the daughter’s in-laws happy and satiated. When the demands of the in-laws are sated they also keep their son’s wife happy. 

This young girl sees her husband as her “parmeshwar”. The one-man, the one-stop shop, to fulfill all her demands and cater to all her needs. It’s his duty; he brought her to his home and he must provide for her and her children. Such a girl is truly blessed if her husband really loves her. Then he just does not fulfill marital and familial responsibilities but actually showers her with commodities, affection, good times and all the fine things that a married girl can dream and desire. 

Life is easy. Life is fulfilling. What’s the need to study, work or strive to maintain a living standard, an independent thought process, cultivate hobbies and pursue interests, when all of life’s goodness is available through the husband’s endeavors? All you need to do in life is cook three times a day, produce offspring, act coy, cute, feeble and vulnerable and you will be well-provided for by a doting set of in-laws and husband. 

You produce a son or more than one son – you must have great past life karma that is showering you with blessings galore. Bearing a son is a license that your luxurious life will never come to an end. The son takes over the husband’s responsibilities and is required to execute all your wishes. The concept of “saput” or the good son predominates all religious books and ethical lectures.  

Even if the husband has been faulty on his part, the son can never forsake the mother. Materialistic needs are fulfilled, and in due course the son brings home a wife who has to share his responsibilities towards the mother and keep her happy, engaged, and well-looked after! It’s a very royal existence if you come to think of it. (As I write this blog, I am suddenly reminded of D.H. Lawrence’s work, “Sons and Lovers.” But I chose not to elaborate on that thought process in this blog.) 

When life can be so blissful without raising a finger; when being born a woman is your accreditation to be carefully and unfailingly tended to all through your life then why would a woman be inspired to learn, grow and manifest her myriad potential. Shakespeare proclaimed on the inherent weakness of women in Hamlet, “Frailty, thy name is woman!” And when the seemingly vulnerable woman can control and direct the world of men, even in the garb of her fragility, then why are we screaming our lungs out for the need of female emancipation!  

Maybe the non-liberated woman, who is leading an extremely secure and comfortable life, especially in the context of our traditional duty-bound society, is the greatest obstacle towards endorsing and allowing the emancipation of self and others. 

PS: Critical interpretations of the quoted statement from Hamlet’s soliloquy usually center on sexual inconsistence. However, in this blog, I have taken the literal meaning of the term, “Frailty” and I refer to the interpretation in the New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition.  2002, which reads:” “… this proverb is taken to mean that women are weaker than men.”

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