Feline Musings

Recession phobia is definitely bringing out the paranoid, and if you may, miserly, side of most of us. However, there are some people, who displayed distinguished miserly traits, even when the economy wasn’t crying foul. These traits can be inherent and can lead to some hilarious and sometimes embarrassing circumstances. For instance, on a certain occasion, at the grocery supermarket, the cashier refused to bill our purchase of radish because the hubby had happily removed the radish leaves. We were asked to replace the bald radish with leafy ones. Hubby says he just wanted to reduce the burden of carrying home the radish leaves intact, when we wouldn’t actually use them; but I beg to differ for I know the saving of a gram or two, here and there, can give the hubby, great satisfaction.

A similar incident was reported by a relative, who sneakily snipped off the greeny stalk and leaves of a cauliflower, on one occasion, and got away with it. The next time she was purchasing cauliflower at the grocers, he politely forewarned her not to tamper with the vegetable. Of course, these incidents become hilarious dinner-time anecdotes. However, in recent times, most of us can do well by pulling a page or two out of the miser’s user manual.

For instance, stall all your purchases till end-of-season sale, even if that means you stock your cupboard with woolies in the month of April and worry all through summer, if they will fit you in the season. Similarly, always be on the look out to cash on other people’s misery. Distress sales can be a good way of getting stuff at obscenely discounted prices. Always look for buy 1 get 5 free deals – from socks to t-shirts, fruit-juices to soaps. Drive to another town to get whole-sale prices or cheaper petrol. Pile-it up with unrelenting passion, and carry the burden along with not as much as a sigh.

Plan all your leisure in advance. Never go to a movie unless you are getting a buy-one-get-one free deal, or free coke and popcorn. In fact, buy an extra set of tickets and reach the movie hall a good half-an-hour ahead of the show time and sell the extra-tickets to gullible movie-goers stating some valid reason like “our friends’ didn’t turn up”, or “we bought the tickets for the wrong movie”. Charge for the free ticket also, so that even if next time there are no freebies, you have some hard-earned money stashed away in the recreation fund.

Family dinners or eating-out can also drill a hole in the miserly pocket, so you need to cleverly plan the promised evening out. Call upon a family friend an hour before dinner time, and continue to linger around till the friend’s wife asks you to stay for dinner. Your family will never get an opportunity to complain about not eating out! In fact when going out, try and hitch a ride to your destination – save fuel and create more prospects for socializing, over dinner. At home, have romantic candlelight dinners - relight the spark in your married life, while cutting down the electricity bill! There are many more romantic ways of saving money, like shower together, wear your boyfriend or your girlfriend’s t-shirt/jeans, share a chocolate/ice-cream … but I will leave these everflowing stream of thoughts for another blogpost. (No wonder the current recession has brought down the divorce rate, as the media are reporting!)

Do your bit for the economy; try to generate work. Ensure that all items in the house, from shoes to gadgets, are repaired and re-used till the Day of Redemption. Swear against replacing with new, any old and tattering object, for which a workshop exists. Change your internet and mobile bill plan frequently, to get the most optimum billing plan – call customer care at 12 in the night so that the night-shift customer care executive can defend his job. Refurbish and recycle gifts and wrapping paper – a great deed that will also go down well with the environmentalists. Remain aware and alert – never purchase what the doctor prescribed before checking on the internet for a similar-salt medicine and then buying the least expensive brand. After all, the not-so-costly brands also have a right to survive.

The road to miserliness has endless possibilities. The more you think, the more creative ideas you get. Look around you and learn, create forums and discuss for more and more ideas. Hide your intentions in the garb of contributing to the cause of the economy, the society, the environment, our unborn children, and the aliens who are watching us from Planet X. Beg, borrow, but preferably don’t steal. Try to keep on the right side of the law. However, tempting it may seem, don’t watch pirated movies, or stealthily whisk somebody else’s overflowing shopping trolley at the supermarket post-billing counter, and leave behind your trolley that contains an expired pack of unbilled dog biscuits!

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